i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
