im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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