the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
