FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
