I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
