called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
