We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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