genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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