my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
