I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
