awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
