if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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