so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
