I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
