Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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