You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
