He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
