This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
