if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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