Taylor Swift is so right about you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
