I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
