My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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