I wish my penis had an off switch
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
