I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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