i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
