Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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