Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
