I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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