Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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