I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
