Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
