So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
