The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
