found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
