you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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