you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
