We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
