Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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