I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
