My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
