i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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