Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
