Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
