No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just found a bag of teeth...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
