Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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