I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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