FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
