Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
