I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
