how can u be prego again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
