Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
